I Can Carry You
by SophiaTab
Summary: This is my first attempt at slash, so as Alex said when when he first piloted the Rocinante, "Be gentle." I'm also a little worried that this trope in slash (characters wake up married) has been a little overdone, but couldn't find another one for Alex/Amos in and I like the pairing.
1. Chapter 1

Alex Kamal had woke up with hangovers before, but this was a full Mars Marine platoon shrunk to fit inside his head and determined to pound their way out. Holden was calling for him, none too gently which was a rarity with Jim Holden. "Alex, I've been on this bridge sixteen hours straight. Get your ass up here now!"

Alex got up. Why was he naked? Nobody slept unclothed during a run. Struggling to get dressed, he realized the pain in his head was only part of his problem. His throat felt blasted by asteroid dust. His mouth was dry and salty. Muscles and joints that he barely remembered ached like they hadn't since Mars naval academy cadet basic. What had he done to himself?

His bunk was a mess of bodily fluids. There was even some blood. He had definitely brought someone back before they left _Tycho_. Hopefully, there wasn't a pissed off madam waiting for him the next time they hit the station. No, at _Tycho_ the madams protected their assets. Any guy who roughed up a whore paid big time or else, before he left. What the hell had happened?

The last thing he clearly remembered was a message from his damn ex-wife Talissa. She was remarrying to Warren Combs, the asshole that always beat him in everything in the Academy, and their son was already delighted about having another dad. He knew his boy wasn't disloyal. It was just he was in space and the new stepfather was there and a full-fucking Commodore already, but Alex fucking hated it all the same. Holden had said, "Alex, you got to drink." Maybe he should remind Holden of that if the Captain gave him trouble for being so hungover. "Hey, you suggested it, Hoss," was as good a comeback as he could muster for now. Of course, Naomi had agreed on Holden's suggestion. Since the Captain and Naomi had started sleeping together they tended to speak as one. At some point Amos had said, "I can carry you if you pass out," which must have happened. Alex remembered having his arms around Amos at some point. It had felt like hugging an iron column.

Joe Miller was in the corridor patching a wall. So Naomi had found him some work to do after all. Alex had not been in favor of taking the ex-Ceres cop, his partner, and his partner's hooker girlfriend on board, but Holden felt the _Rocinante_ needed more crew, the ex-Cereses were on the lam, and Holden couldn't stop from helping people if he had the opportunity. At least, Miller had some street smarts though right now he was standing in Alex's path with a grin Alex wanted to wipe off his face. "I'm happy you're happy," Miller said. "But please, keep the noise down. These quarters aren't sound proof."

"Screw you," Alex said and walked around him.

Miller's grin got worse. "No way I'm fighting Amos," he said.

Alex plodded on toward the bridge his head pounding with every step. What the hell had Miller meant? Amos would defend him in a real fight because for Amos the entire crew of the _Rocinante_ , probably even Miller too now, fell into the category of "people he would protect", but the man wasn't going to jump into every argument Alex had. Amos wasn't that concerned about other people. Sometimes he went for days without interacting with anyone.

The bridge was deep-space quiet. Gia was in the pilot's chair with Holden at her shoulder close enough to make Havelock very angry if he witnessed it. But as Alex got closer it became apparent that Holden wasn't negotiating the price for a date. He had all the steering console lite up. More craziness.

"You're trying to teach her how to fly?" Alex said.

Holden looked up. "Don't have to teach. Gia's family were rock-hoppers. She knows how to fly. At least enough to take watches. With more training she could be your back-up, instead of me."

In a real emergency, the captain didn't need to be piloting. But an ex-hooker? Oh, hell, she was probably more potentially useful than Havelock. She couldn't be any less qualified than some of the pilots he has encountered in the Belt. He remembered what Amos said about prostitutes. _It's an honest living_. Gia had that in her favor at least. Alex squatted down beside her. She was working the console like a pro.

"She's good on most of the navigation tools. A virgin with the weapons, but you've probably got more experience there than me, so I'm going to bed." Holden said.

After Holden left, Gia made some Belter hand gestures, but Alex shook his head. "I don't know much _lang Belta_."

Gia paused in thought then started again. " _Taki_ pur teaching. _She she taki taki_ pur leaving honeymoon bed."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Alex heard himself yelling before he realized how loud his voice had shot up.

Suddenly Havelock was on the railing by them and the boy was ready to fight. He must have been on the bridge the whole time watching over Gia. "What just happened?" he demanded.

Gia babbled a ton of _Belta_ at Havelock. With each sentence the man's expression grew less and less angry until he was practically laughing. Gia popped her hand over her mouth as soon as she finished. Embarrassed? Not likely for a Ceres hooker. No she was laughing, but at least had the politeness, or probably it was just a survival skill, to try to hide it.

A cop hand came down on his shoulder. Alex recognized the gesture from the day he had been served his divorce notice. Not good. Way not good. "Wow, you really blacked out last night," Havelock said.

Alex strained to reign in his voice. "What the hell happened?"

Gia looked more composed than Havelock now. She handed him Havelock's device. "Bet see, na tell," she said and turned on the image display.

The first pictures were nothing Alex hadn't expected, Gia and Havelock under an arch of fake flowers at some _Tycho_ chapel. The young, ex-security cop was too straight arrow not to marry Gia even if it meant the final nail in a permanent coffin in the Belt. There's no way a Belter born woman could survive back on Earth. But, the second batch of pictures sent Alex's brain, body, and soul tumbling down a gravity sink that sucked straight into a black hole. Same stupid arch only he and Amos were under it! Then Gia started the audio.

"I already said that stuff once and it didn't work out. How about some vows we can actually keep?" his video image said. Alex knew he had to have been drunk. He had to have been very drunk to be there with Amos saying that. But even he had to admit watching the recording he didn't sound too drunk. Okay, this was a very bad dream and he needed to wake up.

The screen panned away from Alex. Amos looked more boyish than usual. Luscious blue eyes and those plump pink lips weren't snarling as they should be. "Okay, I promise to always back you in a fight."

Video Alex nodded; then responded. "I promise to always post your bail."

"I promise not to lie to you unless I have to," Amos continued.

"I promise to believe you first when I catch you in a lie and you say you had to do it." Maybe there was no way to come up with vows weren't actually stupid because that was the most boneheaded, moronic thing that had ever come out of his mouth since he said, "I do" at his first wedding! Not that what had happened between him and Amos should be considered his second. This had just been drunken stupidity in front of an audience.

Amos looked a little distracted by whatever he was thinking. "I promise not to blow my pay in the Rosse Buurt." The edge of pink crept into Amos's face. Alex absolutely had never expected to see that. "I'll show you all the things I learned growing up in whorehouses."

Alex knew he should have gotten the hell out right then and there. He knew he should stop watching the video now except he couldn't. It was obscene how vulnerable Amos looked for quarter a second which probably explained why he had said what came next. Video Alex raised one hand up to Amos's face. "I promise to show you all ways I learned to kill time in the Martian Navy."

Then he saw his hand slip from Amos's cheek to his shoulder. He had probably been trying to steady himself. Even on this low quality video Alex could definitely see his body was swaying. Didn't anybody else see how drunk he was? They probably didn't care. Or they thought it was a great joke. Judging from the shift in Amos's posture he might have put an arm around Alex's waist. "I vow to always be there to carry you," Amos said.

Damn. He had put both hands on Amos's shoulders at that point. "I vow to treat you better than I did my ex-wife."

Then they had kissed. They had fucking kissed! Alex had already processed that he and Amos had sex last night and he could deal with it. The kiss seemed worse because it hadn't been foreplay, but a public sacramental rite. People had clapped. Alex remembered kissing Amos now. Their beards had intermingled before their lips had touched so the first contact had been a million spiky threads armed with kinetic energy. Amos must have been drinking vodka not dock _rown_ that night because his mouth had been clean almost sweet. It took forever to find his teeth. That had been when Amos had embraced him, not like a brotherly hug, more like a steel cage going around his body. A sexy steel cage from an expensive fetish brothel. Alex shut off the video before he started getting hard.

Gia said more to Havelock. Havelock turned to him. "She said the two of you make a handsome couple like lovers that were always supposed to be together," Havelock explained. "She said Amos is really great guy. He was never one of her customers, but he was a legend down in the _Rosse_ _Buurt_ on Ceres. He always treated them with respect."

Gia pulled Havelock closer and looked back at Alex. "We bot got gud men."

 _No, you got an ex-cop who worships every brittle bone of your body. I'm harnessed to a complete psychotic that could just as easily kill me as fuck me, and might just decide to do both, in any order, one day_. Anybody else, he would have just demanded they get an annulment or a divorce. But with Amos he had to play this tight and careful because Amos's emotions, if he had any, were impossible to predict. The best scenario was Amos would get bored and ask him for a divorce. Of course, worst case scenario, Amos would just decide to become a widower.

Holden was in a better mood when he relieved Alex eight hours later. Except he had that grin Alex had already learned to hate plastered across his face. "I don't want to know what you did to Amos last night, but keep doing it. The guy seems almost human." Holden said.

Alex's spirits sunk even lower. This drunken mistake would be hanging over him long after it was over. "After all we've been through, you couldn't watch my back on _Tycho_?" Alex asked.

"What are you talking about? I was your best man." Holden replied.

If he wasn't so tired, Alex would have slugged Holden. "Tell me the truth on one thing, Hoss. Whose idea was me and Amos getting married?" For all his twistedness Alex didn't think Amos had the brains or the motivation to dream up a mindfuck this elaborate.

Holden's expression didn't change. "Yours. It was kind of romantic actually. Of course, I did not see everything. You got up from the table, took Amos's hand, made this little bow and asked him to marry you."

Alex felt his stomach flutter. He hadn't done that with Talissa though he knew where the idea came from. His mother had told Corey and him the story of how their father proposed to her hundreds of times.

"Absolute truth, when Amos stood up and put his hands on either side of your face, I thought he was going to snap your neck," Holden said.

Alex felt queasier. Amos could have very easily done that.

Holden continued. "Then Amos said, 'yeah, I'll marry you,' and starting kissing you so hard I thought the fire alarms were going to activate."

This was more than not good. This was insane and dealing with an insane Amos was the only thing that scared him more than dealing with an angry Amos.

Before Alex reached his bunk Havelock shoved a box on him. "Gia insisted. It's mostly lube and massage oil. I told her guys aren't interested in fake housekeeping."

"Fake housekeeping?" Alex repeated accidently.

"Oh yeah, I got pink curtains and wall scones with silk flowers in my quarters now," Havelock said.

When he got back to his bunk Naomi and Amos had torn the place apart. Amos stopped working, walked over without changing his expression, and kissed him. "I got Naomi to help me," Amos said. Apparently that was the only explanation he felt was necessary.

"To do what?" Alex managed to ask. His lips were stinging.

"Remove some of the wall between our bunks so we'll have more space to sleep," Amos said.

Space enough for two, he saw looking over their renovation. So Amos didn't intend for them to only keep having sex. He wanted them to live together.

Naomi joined them. "You'll have to put two mattresses together to cover the new bunk and there aren't any double sized sheets."

"We'll make do," Amos said. He almost sounded happy.

"Amos would you take the tools back to the equipment room, please." Naomi asked.

"Sure thing." Alex noticed he did not call her boss this time.

Once Amos left, Naomi's eyes shifted to match the metal she had just cut. "Amos is more than a brute. And he is more than a hole for when you don't have script to pay for it."

"I know that," Alex said though less than five minutes ago he wouldn't have been so sure about that more than a brute part.

Ice formed on the metal in Naomi's eyes. "You fucked him without enough lube."

"I was drunk. So was he." Alex said.

"That's no excuse," Naomi replied.

 _Then how about the fact that Amos has three times my strength and could have thrown me off him anytime._ But Alex didn't say that. No sense making an enemy of Naomi. Besides he couldn't think of an explanation why Amos hadn't done just that. Unless Amos got off on pain. There were guys like that. Alex just never thought he would be in whatever the hell this was with someone who had that fetish. "At the time, everything must have seemed okay. Hell, I don't even remember the sex." Alex said. That wasn't quite the truth. Memories were coming back to him and damn they were good.

Naomi shook her head. "I told Amos not to marry you. I told him you were drunk and you were unreliable in relationships."

Alex wasn't sure which shocked him more: waking up married to Amos or Amos not doing what Naomi said. "What did he say when you told him that?"

"To mind my own business. That I should concern myself with my relationship with Holden and stay out of his relationship with you." Naomi said.

That wasn't Amos's vocabulary. "Really?" Alex said.

"More or less. Amos used cruder terms like your fuckbuddy and my future husband." Naomi admitted.

That sounded like Amos though the actions were still barely comprehensible. Alex knew Amos had become unmoored since Naomi had less time for him. Had he just been looking for some one to take her place and Alex had been the only one around? Anything was possible, but Amos didn't seem like the type that needed that much human companionship. The guy was a cypher wrapped up inside an encryption. But if there were any real answers to his behavior Naomi was the source. "Did he tell you why he said yes?" Alex asked.

"He said nobody had ever asked to marry him before and he knew you weren't a bad person. Plus he hates the last name Burton." Naomi's voice lowered, but didn't soften. "I know that there's a lot that's damaged inside Amos, but there's also a lot that isn't. You break him anymore and I'll break your neck."

Great. In addition to worrying about Amos snapping his neck because of a psychotic break or a premature ejaculation, he had Naomi ready for battle if he inflicted emotional pain on a guy that didn't seem to have real emotions. And that explanation of why Amos agreed to marry him, the explanation she claimed Amos had said, was beyond bizarre. Alex could piece together what might have been going through his alcohol distorted mind last night. There was nothing like being mad as hell at a woman to make a man seek out the most extravagant opposite of her. But Amos was a lot more damaged than anyone suspected if he willing to marry the first person that asked him. Alex wasn't Jim Holden. He wasn't volunteering to die for the universe and he was still a little bit afraid of what Amos might be capable of if he felt rejected, but Alex was human. Amos had been through some sort of hell and Alex sincerely did not want to add any more pain to the man's s life. So, it looked like he was stuck in this marriage for a while. Hopefully Amos's attention span wasn't that long.

The expanded bunk with room to stretch out on all sides was more comfortable than anything he had in a long time. He almost fell asleep; then the door slide open and there was Amos fresh from the showers, coveralls around his waist and nothing but a muscle shirt tighter than a station chief's wallet covering his chest. And those eyes, if seas could be so blue no wonder everyone wanted an ocean on Mars. Parts started twitching on Alex that should be too tired to twitch.

Amos sat down on the bed. He started picking through the box from the Havelocks and Alex was damn sure that was a sigh of relief when Amos found all the lubricant tubes. Alex sat up. "Don't ever let me fuck you without proper lubrication again."

"I've bled worse," Amos replied.

Alex didn't want to consider what incidents in his past Amos had just referred to. He sort of regretted using the word fuck. Ever lover he had ever had hated that word, but Amos seemed unfazed. He started casually running his fingers over Alex's arm. "It was worth it for the blowjob you gave me afterward, baby."

"And don't call me baby. I'm older than you." Alex said.

There was confusion across Amos's face. "What should I call you when we're alone? Naomi already asked me about that. She implied we weren't normal if we didn't have that. I've overheard her call Holden, cupcake."

Now Amos was worried about being seen as normal. This was one twisted, alternative universe he had woke up in. Alex laid back down and tried to ignore his groin. But Amos started playing with his hair. Those strong, thick fingers that could crush a throat or choke the life out of man in seconds felt amazing sliding around his scalp. He wondered how much of the gray Amos noticed.

"Since you're older than me, I could call you my old man like they did in the biker tribes," Amos said.

It figured that the only history Amos knew would be about old criminal societies, but Alex had went through a teenager phase of being fascinated by outlaw culture also, so he knew the jargon. "I don't think my old lady sounds right for you," Alex said.

Amos genuinely smiled at that. "I heard you call Naomi darling once.'

"I was trying to be sarcastic and intimidating at the time," Alex said.

"It sounded sexy as hell," Amos said.

Alex remembered the incident. "A few seconds later you were going to use me as a body shield."

"I had half a hard-on at the time," Amos said as if that justified everything.

Maybe it did to Amos. Sex and violence seemed linked with him. No, a sudden clarity came to Alex. It wasn't a link at all. It was the exact opposite. Amos could completely compartmentalize his emotions and shift between the compartments in seconds. The guy was aroused when he wanted to be with all resources devoted to just that, but when there was trouble he could lock down that part of himself and push everything toward what had to be done without thinking. It's what made him so good in battle. Maybe in bed too. Wedding night's memories were awesome. Amos had moves and a lot of stamina. _Is this actually happening? I'm laying half-aroused next to a man who can't remember how many people he's killed and he wants me to call him darling_. Amos's fingers were driving him crazy and the guy was just massaging his scalp for god's sake. "Why are you playing with my hair?"

The dimples came out in Amos's cheeks. A man so deadly shouldn't look so beautiful. "You got something else you would rather I play with?" Amos's gaze traveled down Alex's body and stopped at the tent in his coveralls. "Yeah, you do." He reached for the zipper.

Alex stopped him. "We need some repositioning." Alex sat up and nudged Amos's thighs apart. Alex slide closer until they intersected like V points with the inner legs side by side. "We called this the Double Watch in the Navy because it gives you a full view of your partner's face while you're getting each other off." Alex had never liked Double Watch before. It was too damn intimate for a guy you were fucking just because he was your assigned roommate. This was different. He wanted to know what Amos looked like when he came.

Like a dying saint was the answer he quickly found out. Amos practically bleed for his orgasms. Those blue eyes swilled up like his cock until they glazed over and he gave up the ghost with his mouth buried in Alex's shoulder. Even muffled he probably still managed to disturb Joe Miller, but who cared. Miller was slum Belter born the guy should be used to a lack of privacy and beside it was second night sex. They shouldn't expect them not to be a little noisy.

Afterwards Alex laid back down taking Amos with him. Talissa had always shoved him away after sex. She said it improved their chance for conception if he didn't bother her for at least thirty minutes after mating. When she got tired of laying still she always made a meteor strike for the shower and then it was no touching for the rest of the night. Amos was plastered to him. Sweat drenched their bodies and it felt like a boulder from _Olympus Mons_ was on top of him, but he would definitely enjoy having Amos as his private human blanket.

Amos's eyes fluttered open. Good God! he had beautiful lashes like black butterfly wings framing pearl and sapphire. He traced Alex's jaw with his fingers. "Did you come?" a gravelly voice asked.

"All over your shirt, boy," Alex reassured him.

A little flame popped up in Amos. "Don't call me, boy. You can call me any other thing, but not boy."

"Okay." Alex didn't need an explanation for that. He brought his arms up higher on Amos and let his partner cuddle into him. Amos seemed to want it. Alex hadn't expected that. He really hadn't expected that.

After a while Amos spoke. "We should clean up. I mean, we could clean each other up."

Alex didn't move. "We try to clean each other up and we'll be going for it again."

Amos responded with a wicked grin and kissed him. "And that's a problem?"

Alex relaxed his hold a little, but didn't drop his arms away. "I've got fourteen hours tomorrow flying the _Roci_ while training Gia with Havelock in tandem. You've got at least twelve hours showing Joe Miller how to make repairs. We need the rest."

"Guess you're right, Old Man," Amos said and Alex didn't feel up to objecting over the term at the moment. Amos laid his head back down on Alex's shoulder. "Okay, if I stay here."

"Sure." Alex let his arms drop down on the mattress finally. He slept very well that night.

Instead of a tragedy, after that night, life got great. No, it got sublime. Alex flew a Corvette class gun ship and slept in a very warm bed when he wasn't flying. They fooled around like rabbits high on mating hormones. Sometimes Amos brought him coffee on the bridge and teased Alex about what he wanted to do when they were off shift. They played strip table tennis the one time they were alone on the _Roci_. Between sex; there was always the ship, the run, or the solar system out there, so they were never bored together. In its own fucked up way it was probably the way relationships were supposed to flow. Sometimes Amos even dropped his shields long enough to reveal the scar tissue underneath and Alex saw a side of new husband he doubted anyone else had ever suspected.

"What's it like on Mars?" Amos asked one night. A routine had evolved with them. After sex Amos would lay his head on Alex's chest and talk which also surprised Alex. He never had a male partner that didn't immediately fall asleep after coming, but for Amos sex seemed like a stabilizing drug more than anything else. Even after Alex pounded him like a rock-driver he was calm and mellow.

Alex told him the truth about Mars, not the propaganda Martians usually spouted. "Most of it is not that different from the Belt. People live under domes. Plenty of people still live underground. The green spaces are precious. It's brighter under the domes than most of the Belt, but right outside there is nothing but red dirt and an atmosphere too thin to breathe."

"Until you, every Martian I ever met was crazy serious about how they are going to terraform the planet," Amos said.

"Yeah, we get that way," Alex admitted. "It's like a religious cult they indoctrinate us into at birth. They say a Martian's only real faith is that someday they are going to turn that rock into a garden. I'm a heretic. I just couldn't see the point of devoting every waking moment of my life to somebody else's possible future."

"Aren't you going to ask me about Baltimore?" Amos said.

"You never said anything, I figured you hated the place." Alex said.

"It's a hellhole, but I'll tell you about it," Amos said.

Alex realized it was very important to Amos to be asked about the city where he spent his childhood. "What's Baltimore like?"

"Wet, so goddamn wet all the time. The ocean is always rising. The hurricanes blow through a couple times a year. When I got out here, I couldn't get all the fuss people made about water. I went into space to get dry." Amos said.

That was the most Amos had ever said about his past. "What's the city like?" Alex said.

"Like the Medina under an acid rain sky. Government offices are fortresses with slums all around. The only thing that's even kind of beautiful is the shrines people make for Santa Muerta and Saint Omar." Amos said.

Alex recognized Saint Death, but not the other. "Who is he?"

"Baltimore's Saint Omar of the Shotgun robbed rich criminals and gave to the poor. The Vatican doesn't recognize him, but when I was a kid that's the only saint I ever asked to pray with me." Amos explained.

It was really hard to imagine Amos praying, but if he concentrated an image came to Alex: a slum boy, soaking-wet skin, but not clean, maybe not hunger, but fully aware that he could be the next day. Amos had been a boy that had to do whatever he could to survive at an early age. No family. No safe place. Occasional prayers to a street saint that nobody, but the down and out recognized. Prayers that went unanswered until he couldn't bear to say them anymore. No wonder he was so stoic. Everything beyond survival mode was a new, temporary experience. "So, you don't miss it?" Alex asked.

"Hell, no. Do you miss Mars?" Amos asked.

Alex answered truthfully. "I miss some people who live there, but I don't miss Mars. I like it in space."

At that Amos kissed him like a kid that just got a new puppy. "Agreed. We stay in space."

 _We_. At first it really worried Alex when Amos started using that word. It sounded like the beginning of something psychotic. Except it wasn't. Amos was the best roommate he ever had: clean and considerate in a way Talissa never had been. It wasn't difficult living so close to him. It was comfortable, pleasant, even when they weren't having sex. Even Naomi remarked that Amos seemed better since he and Alex moved in together. Alex realized he was almost going to regret the day he got asked for a divorce. Then they docked on _Ganymede_.

Between terraforming companies and a military base, Fort Robinson was nearly as big as _Ceres_. Thanks to the U.N. Navy, it had just as many bars. Only all the bars were stocked with hookers. Amos always attracted attention. His habit of always asking about the staff's working conditions only guaranteed some of the attention was genuine. It gnawed at Alex's gut in a way watching another man flirt with Talissa never had. Then he noticed a face he hadn't seen in at least a decade and a half.

Amos must have noticed him staring. "Do you know that woman?" Amos asked.

"Coretta Lee, I flew with her in the Mars Navy," Alex said.

Amos's gaze darted around the room, but Alex couldn't tell what had suddenly made him anxious. "So, are we going to say hello?" Amos asked.

Amos wanting to meet people, that was new. "Sure," Alex said. Then he remembered how caustic Coretta could be without a lot of alcohol in her. "Why don't you get some beers with shots in them. Make them triples."

Coretta hadn't changed much since Mars Navy, but at least she thought Warren Combs was a sanctimonious asshole also. It was kind of nice to hear some of the gossip from home even if Talissa's pregnancy without fertility drugs was the main topic. Triplets. And his ex-wife wanted the whole Mars Congressional Republic to know she wasn't having any problems at all with this pregnancy. Alex knew he probably should have expected that, but at least his son seemed to be doing okay. Combs was decent with kids. It's just adults that couldn't stand him. Not that Coretta spent a lot of time in the man's company anymore. She had left the Mars Navy for private corporate transport. The pay was good and the sex was better.

"The farmer's sons got muscles all the way across their back and some of the professional boys out here can make your toes curl just taking off their clothes," Coretta was quick to inform Alex.

Alex noticed Amos returning their way. He hoped those drinks were strong. "That never was my scene. Never will be." He told Coretta.

"If you're low on money, out here there is honey, for every budget," she said. "There's even groupies that will do it for free."

"Believe it or not, not every pilot lives their life between their legs, Coretta," Alex said.

She slapped his shoulder. "Alex, your ex-wife's remarried, knocked up, and telling all of Mars your sperm was defective. You need to go get laid."

Suddenly Amos was right in front of them. Had he heard what she said? Fuck! Judging from the animal side rising in his eyes, Amos definitely heard. Coretta didn't see that. She was too busy undressing Amos with his eyes. "Damn, boy, you are nothing, but muscle," Coretta said.

Alex moved to stand between them. "Amos is the mechanic on my ship."

"Fucking bastard!" Amos swore softly. He hurled the glasses to the floor and walked out.

The air turned to ice around Alex. A fear usually reserved for close quarter battles and gun fights shot up his spine and he wasn't sure why. He went after Amos which wasn't easy to do in Fort Robinson's crowds. Luckily Amos stood out even when he moved fast, so Alex managed to catch up with him. "Hey, what just happened?" Alex demanded.

"I should have listened to Naomi and not married you. You're an asshole." Amos said.

Alex was incredulous. "Because I asked you to get a few beers?"

Amos stopped walking. His body radiated anger. It was scary though not quite as scary as the sight of Amos's retreating back had been. "I let you do things to me, you couldn't pay a pro for, and you introduce me as the ship's mechanic!"

He could kind of understand Amos getting a little upset over that. He had made that mistake with Talissa a few times and said girlfriend when it should have been fiancée or fiancée when she was already his wife. "I'm sorry. Hey, it's a common mistake with a new relationship. People make it all the time."

It didn't abate the white, hot fury in Amos's eyes. "You still wear a ring for her."

Alex thought fast. "It's a habit. I've been wearing it for years." That was the truth. He cared about as much for Talissa as he did for the cacti his mother raised in her garden. Yeah, he didn't want them to die, but he didn't want to touch them either. The ring was just part of the gear he had worn forever.

"It's a habit you break when you marry somebody else," Amos shouted. Alex had never heard him do that. When Amos threatened, it was with a cold, but even voice. It was casual. He told someone he was going to kill them in a voice no different than he told a server what kind of drink he wanted. This was a new sort of rage like a child, uncontrollable and infinitely more dangerous. He needed to get Amos off the streets and someplace safe before the man did something stupid.

"Calm down. You're overreacting," Alex said. He moved a little closer to Amos.

"No, I'm not," Amos said.

"You're upset. We should go back to the _Roci_ and after you have calmed down we'll talk." Alex suggested.

"You can't talk your way out of this," Amos said. His voice was only a few decibels lower and burned like a drive engine. "What was I to you? An easy fuck when you were too drunk to score anything else?"

Alex felt his own temperature rise. "It's not like I forced you," Alex said and instantly regretted it.

Amos's gaze shifted to full-on malevolence. For a moment, Alex couldn't breathe. His lungs were constricted by an iron vise. Then he realized Amos wasn't actually touching him. "Will you go back to the _Roci_ , please? You shouldn't be on the streets when you are like this." Alex pleaded. Naomi and Holden were probably back at the _Roci_ already. More than anybody they were good at managing Amos. They would keep him safe from himself.

"Aren't the streets where I belong? Admit it, it's what you think. I'm good enough for the streets. Good enough to fuck. But other than that, trash, nothing you wanted anybody else to know about." Amos said. "I've been a whore, but I'm not going to be your whore," he said. His voice had gone cold. That voice had killed men. "Stay the fuck away from me."


	2. Chapter 2

Alex felt something break when Amos stormed off. Inside him fear was a gravity sink because who knew what mayhem Amos was capable of in his current state; then, something else hit harder. That surprised him because he should be sort of happy. Obviously, his marriage with Amos was soon to be over. Instead there was only searing pain.

It had been a scratch when his marriage with Talissa dissolved and they had years together. They had a son together. Except that marriage had mostly been about their parents' mutual desire to fulfill the Martian ideal of large families. If it hadn't been Talissa, it could have been any woman in his social circle at the time. Him and Amos? They had sex. A lot of sex and long nights talking between sex and just being together. There was friendship. Deep friendship, they had both laid down their lives for each other more than once. Everything had started with a drunken proposal, but Alex knew he wouldn't have made that proposal to just anybody. There had always been an attraction they acknowledged only in jokes. He remembered the current that had flowed through them once when Amos grabbed him and proclaimed 'that's cause I like you," when it was supposed to have been a punch. _Alex, I could kiss you in the mouth_. When Amos said that he had nearly replied, 'why don't you.' He should have said that, except he hadn't realized what the code was yet. Amos was raised in whorehouses and whores don't kiss their johns. They saved kissing in the mouth for people they loved. Amos had said yes to a drunken proposal because he knew, even he had never heard the Latin, in wine there is truth. And then afterwards a man that had been raped throughout his boyhood let Alex have sex with him so roughly that it left him bleeding.

Alex felt carved in half, but pain brought him to a revelation. Caring about Amos had never been his problem. Denying what he really felt had been. He didn't want his freedom. He wanted life with Amos. This was love and it burned with a solar flare's fury. He loved the thug except he knew Amos wasn't really a thug. No one could survive what Amos had without a very strong soul. Amos had armor around him like a battleship, but underneath was the boy that prayed to Saint Omar who robbed from rich criminals and gave to the poor. A beautiful soul still lived in the belief that just as there were bad people that deserved their punishment, there were still people that should be protected. Amos wasn't psychotic. He was pretty damn noble in his own way. But he saw a lot of stuff in black and white which Alex realized was why the old wedding ring had affected Amos so much. Alex silently berated himself. It really should have occurred to him to take it off.

The catastrophe encounter with Coretta Lee must have intensified the pain to the breaking point. Coretta had approached Amos like he was a rent-a-boy. Alex should have defended his partner against the humiliation. That Coretta was a woman just meant he shouldn't have hit her, but he should have sent her on her way after acknowledging that Amos was a lot more than the ship's mechanic. When they had docked at _Io_ , Amos hadn't hesitated to tell people they were married. Had he ever introduced Amos as his husband? Alex knew he hadn't. Yeah, he really screwed this relationship up. But it wasn't like his first marriage. This wasn't something that should be disposable. The real problem was how to say he was sorry to someone that was probably unfamiliar with the concept.

It was late when Alex made it back to the _Roci_. Luckily Naomi wasn't the first person he encountered, it was Gia. He confronted his worse fears first. "Has Amos made it back?" he asked.

She nodded. "Very sad. Crew room, not your room."

Things were better than he hoped. "Well, I am here to apologize and grovel, so hopefully things will be back to normal soon."

Gia shook her head. "No grovel. You gud man too."

Alex thought of something neither small nor unimportant. "I need you to teach me some _Belta_ before I go see him."

Naomi was in the crew room with Amos. Fortunately, so was Holden because her anger was barely concealed. "I warned you," she said walking over to Alex.

"I'm here to apologize to my husband, not fight with you," Alex said. He noticed a reaction from Amos at the words my husband. Good sign. But it was obvious Amos had retreated deep behind his armor.

"What could a _sabaka_ like you say that would make any difference?" Naomi said.

"That I am a _sabaka_ and a stupid one at that and I vow to do better," Alex said.

Holden put his arm around Naomi. "Come on. This is between them."

"I don't mind if you stay. I don't mind if everybody hears what I have to say." Alex said.

Amos had sprawled out on one of the couches. He didn't look angry or sad, just stoic. He had retreated behind his barricades again to protect himself from pain. Alex sat down on the table beside him. "I am glad you came back here instead of getting into a fight."

"Like you care?" Amos said.

Alex knew he had to lay everything out. "I care. _Mi du àmolof to_."

That didn't produce the desired effect. In fact, it had quite the opposite result. Now Amos's glare held venom. "Belter?"

Alex explained himself. "We make our life out here. It seemed appropriate."

Amos still didn't seem remotely convinced. "I'll move my stuff out tomorrow. We can probably find a judge to okay a divorce while we're still on _Ganymede_." He said.

"I'm here to apologize seriously. I'm sorry. I have been insensitive. Beyond insensitive. Okay, a complete fucking bastard, you were right." Alex said.

Amos twitched a little and Alex realized how very few times Amos probably had been told he was right about anything. Alex pressed on. "This is not what I expected in life. Actually, it's better than I expected. You and me, it works. We can live our lives together. Please don't throw it away after one fight which was completely my fault."

Amos was still a statue. "What was going through your head when you asked me to marry you? Or were you too drunk to even remember?

Alex dug deep into the memories he hadn't wanted to face before, but now they came back to him as a rescue skiff. "I didn't ask you to marry me because I was drunk. The alcohol just lowered my inhibitions until I could admit what I really wanted. I wanted you and not just for a night."

Amos's gaze went up to the ceiling and then came back to Alex. His eyes were simultaneously fierce and vulnerable. Alex saw the man who could kill in them and he saw the boy who had seen too many people die around him. He wanted to take both of them in his arms and try to heal their wounds.

"Are you still going to wear her ring?" Amos asked.

"No, I sold it a few hours ago," Alex said.

Amos sat up at that. "Under those circumstances I can accept your apology."

That was the crack in the armor Alex needed. "Give me your hand, darling."

He could tell that word did break something in Amos, but in a good way. It tore off a lot of the jagged scar tissue and laser smoothed the wounds. The only other times he had seen Amos's eyes so soft and wet had been after marathon sex that had pushed them to the limits of physical endurance. Right now he realized Amos was probably at the limits of his emotional endurance. This was the time for something soft. He showed Amos the rings. "I got titanium. It seemed like us." He picked up Amos's hand and slid a wedding band onto his finger.

Very quickly Amos grabbed the other band and did the same with Alex. "I'll take it off if you die. And if I die first you incinerate yours with whatever's left of me. I don't want you putting anybody else through what I went through."

Alex let their rings clink together. "Agreed."

A moment later steel beams encircled his back. Amos seared his mouth over Alex's with a solar-flare of heat. Alex realized he had found the garden his people were trying to create on Mars and he didn't care who saw them or what anybody said. He was never leaving this man. When they paused for air Amos rested his forehead against his. "I want to throw you over my shoulder and haul you off to bed," he said.

"Not unless we're the only people on board the _Roci._ " Alex said.

"It could be fun. We could pretend I'm a pirate and you're my captive." Amos suggested.

Alex felt his body temperature shoot up several degrees. "We're going to calmly walk to our quarters. Once we get there we can discuss other scenarios."

Naomi and Holden were gone from the crew room when they got up from the couch, but Amos respected Alex wishes except for grabbing his hand as they walked. That was cool. It felt good. They were connecting on the everyday level again. He and Talissa had never had that. It had been the motions of marriage, but none of the companionship. He and Amos? Now that was life: wake up together, do their jobs, make love before falling asleep, and then wake up the next day to do it all over again. It would be a good life. Once the door to their quarters shut they resumed kissing. Slow, juicy kisses to begin a long night. Amos reached for his zipper, but Alex stopped him. "We got to make up the bed," Alex said.

"It's clean enough," Amos protested.

Alex handed him fresh folded linen; then started stripping the mattress. "I got us sheets for a double bed."

"Why, so you can steal the covers?" Amos said, but he started to unfold everything.

Alex grinned. "Because that's how married people live."

Amos spread out the bottom sheet. He noticed the color and looked up at Alex. Blue to match my eyes?' was the question in Amos's gaze _._ 'Yeah, blue to match your eyes' Alex started to reply, but realized he didn't need to. "Just don't put flower sconces on the walls," Amos said.

"I do that and you can have me committed." Alex started changing the pillowcases and something occurred to him. "Do you have a dress shirt and maybe a jacket?" he asked.

Amos's expression betrayed that he was a little surprised. "That turns you on?"

"I need some formal photos to send to the family. Kamals are really big on family photos." Alex explained.

Amos sat down on the bed. Now he looked more than a little surprised. Alex sat down beside him. "A whole pack of annoying relatives comes with the Kamal name?" Alex took out his favorite photo and bent it in half. It was going to stay that way until he could replace the photo with a more appropriate one for carrying every day. "This is my son. His name is Melas."

"What are you going to tell him about me?" Amos asked.

"That he was another stepfather," Alex said. Malissa would probably have a ten wildcat fit and the Patels would say something snotty. Too bad. If Warren Combs could be called Melas's stepdad, so could Amos.

"And everyone else?" Amos asked.

"That we're married,". Alex said.

"Martians value fertility. They aren't very accepting of same sex couples at least among people young enough to be breeding," Amos said.

It hadn't occurred to Alex that Amos had even thought about his family on Mars let alone considered what that family's opinions of their marriage might be. But it made sense. Having never had a family, Amos was hypersensitive to how others might value such relationships. And he had probably even wondered if Alex had to choose which would it be, him or the family on Mars? No, there was no probably about it, the only explanation for why Amos had never asked about being introduced to the family was he feared their reaction. Alex put his hand on Amos's shoulder. "You're my husband. That's the only thing they are entitled to know. I didn't vote on their spouses. They don't get to cast judgment on my choice."

Amos leaned into Alex's hand. His silk eyelashes fluttered for a second or two. Alex hadn't figured out what that meant yet, but he would, no matter how many years it took. For now, just getting closer would be enough. He reached for Amos's zipper.

Amos scrambled up from the bed. His movements had been fast, but his expression was soft. "Uh, uh, you first. I haven't got a good look at your body since our wedding night." Amos said.

Alex found himself feeling self-conscious. "I don't work out as often as you."

Amos rolled his eyes. "Like I don't know that already. You're not of really out of shape just less hard." He leaned closer and kissed Alex's cheek. "You feel soft under me at night." Amos grabbed Alex's leg and pulled off a boot. "I like your skin too. Caramel like candy." Amos pulled off the other boot. "When you get sweaty, that's salted caramel, the expensive stuff."

Alex started to undo his coveralls, but Amos stopped him and finished the undressing. Alex blocked his mind from thinking about how Amos had acquired such skills. A moment later Alex was exposed to the scrutiny of the younger man's eyes. But there was no criticism in Amos's gaze only a golden glow as his hands stroked Alex's chest.

"I never had a person that was just with me only," Amos said.

Alex remembered they hadn't said that in their vows. Yeah, their vows could have been better, but he meant every word of them. Only now what had been unspoken at the time needed to be said. "I'm with you only," Alex said.

"I'm with you only," Amos said. Nothing more elaborate felt needed.

Amos made a line of kisses from the belly button up to Alex's clavicle; then traced his way back down with his tongue. Alex felt the burn all the way to his toes, but he preferred kissing Amos to any other sort of foreplay. He tipped Amos's chin upward. "Kiss me on the mouth," he asked.

Amos nodded. Their lips met with a thruster's heat. A vortex churned up in Alex's stomach. He hadn't done it much before him, but Amos knew how to kiss. He teased with his tongue until it was almost more than Alex could bear and then their mouths were mated together in primal energy.

Alex unzipped Amos's coveralls. Amos stood up and let them fall to the floor. Every time he looked at Amos, Alex was reminded of those twentieth century dolls Talissa's grandmother collected. Amos was a living image of Barbie's boyfriend. It amazed Alex that this perfect specimen of masculine beauty climbing into bed with him, was his for now and forever. This time was even more perfect because those eyes weren't just filled with passion. Amos Kamal's eyes could become liquid warmth and so pure they were windows into his soul. Amos had walked through hell, but managed to keep something human inside. And that human side of him stronger than the titanium bands they wore. _I never had a person that was with me only_. Those words were burned into Alex's brain now. It must have cut like a knife every time he forgot to mention that Amos was his husband. Alex was determined to make up for that except it brought him to a place he hadn't contemplated before. He had never bottomed for anybody. And Amos had never even brought up the subject which had kind of been all right before because though his partner wasn't deformed in that region he was proportional for his height, not to mention strong as an ox from genuine Earth gravity raised muscle. But Alex also remembered the hot, intense almost nuclear charge of being inside his partner's body. Yeah, he loved riding Amos. He loved the feel of being so close and in control. One flesh like the old prayer books said. There was nothing like it not even flying the _Roci_ that felt so wonderful. "You want to make love to me tonight?" Alex suggested.

Amos shook his head. "It's not my thing. I don't like for my junk to get too tight."

That was profoundly wrong enough to shatter the spell of make-up sex. "Why?" Alex asked. Amos looked away, but Alex turned his jaw back to him. "Look in my eyes and tell me why."

His answer was a whisper. "Don't make me."

 _He's afraid._ A thousand tons had fallen on Amos with that question. There was pain enough to cliff those blue eyes in two. Pain that pierced Alex too. The answer must be exceptionally horrific. " _Mi du àmolof to._ There is nothing you can tell me that will stop me from wanting to spend my life with you," Alex said.

Amos finally meet his gaze. "I don't want to tell you, but you got a right to know." They laid down together, Amos on Alex's chest like they did after sex when Amos seemed the most comfortable inside his own skin. Alex stroked Amos's scalp the way his partner sometimes did him. He knew it felt relaxing on the receiving end and he was beginning to understand why Amos did it to him.

Amos began slowly, but once he started the story came gushing out like an air leak in vacuum. "After my balls dropped there was the rich asshole that liked to watch me do women. Truth was he was my favorite john because I didn't have to do anything for him that didn't give me pleasure. One day he brought this girl. I got more excited than usual because she was young like me. Except she wasn't a pro. She was a virgin. Pushing inside her was like putting my cock in a vise. She screamed so loud I call still hear it my head. She begged with me to stop and I started to. Then one of the asshole's bodyguards pulled out a gun and told me to keep fucking her. She pleaded with that asshole. She called him, Daddy, and not the way a hooker says that with a john. He was her father. I've got no idea who my father was, but I have to believe he wouldn't jack off watching me rape a girl."

Alex tightened his grip on Amos. "It's not rape when there's a gun at your head."

"I came inside her," Amos said.

"That was an automatic reaction of your body. You had no control over it." Alex said.

"Doesn't make what I did right?" Amos said.

"Doing what you have to do to survive doesn't make you bad person?" Alex knew that despite his vast vocabulary of profanity, a bad person was still one of the ultimate worsts in Amos's mind. Amos was shivering in this arms and the room was warm. He kissed Amos's forehead. "Marriage is a special kind of bond. It means I can't be compelled to testify against you in any court. On Mars it gives me the final say on what happens to your body after you're dead. It means you can cry in my arms and nobody else in the universe will ever know."

They talked deep into their sleep period. Well, mostly Amos talked. He told Alex things that should only be in horror stories. Sometimes Alex wanted to weep for the things that Amos had survived, but he stayed strong to be the rock his partner needed to cling to. Amos trembled for a while; then, his body shook worse than if a Taser had been used on him. Alex had never seen mental anguish manifest itself in such a profound physical way. Pain radiated out from his core in waves. It was all Alex could do to hold him. The animal cries came next like the sounds of long extinct Earth creatures. It was a fucking miracle that Miller wasn't pounding on their door complaining about the noise. Or maybe Miller had more decency than people gave him credit for because nobody could mistake these sounds for pleasure screams. At least, Amos had calmly fallen asleep by the time Alex had to slip out from underneath to take his shift on the bridge.

Gia stopped him in the hallway. Since joining the _Roci_ crew she stopped wearing make-up and dressed in coveralls like the rest of them. She still looked like a Belter angel, however. "I take your shift," she said.

"It's okay. Amos is asleep." Alex said. Somebody needed to be in that pilot's chair before Holden blew a gasket.

Gia pushed him back. "Sleep with him. Gud to wake up together."

Amos was awake and sitting up when Alex got back to their bunk. "Gia is taking my shift," Alex explained starting to undress. A few seconds later, he had a helper.

Amos sank down to his knees and pulled off the rest of Alex's coveralls and boots. He did look sexy there, but it bothered Alex at the same time. Amos had been in the position too damn much for him not to have some very bad memories. The next words out of his mouth shocked Alex.

"I want you to fuck me hard," Amos said. "Just use spit for lube and don't be afraid to bruise my ribs. You can bite me if you want to. Draw blood. Got plenty of room on my shoulders and neck for your mark." Then Amos licked him from the pubic line to his scrotum; then, popped Alex's cock into his mouth like candy. For a few seconds, Alex was reason blind from the explosion of sensations his partner's mouth could induce, but he remembered what Amos had just said and pulled away.

"What the hell are you doing?" Amos blurted out first.

Alex placed his hands against Amos's checks. "Why do you want me to hurt you?"

Amos's eyes bled for the truth. "Because every scar makes me more yours."

Alex felt at least 9G's in his chest. "No. No, it doesn't. Love isn't about how much pain you're willing to endure for me. I don't want to ever hurt you." He pulled Amos off the floor and onto their bed. For a while they just explored each other like teenage virgins too fascinated by the newness of another body to mess with the interlocking components yet. He discovered scars he hadn't found before on Amos and details of his tattoos that had been overlooked in hasty, only partially undressed sex.

Amos pulled away. "Alex, I need you to fuck me."

Alex nipped his ear. "We don't fuck anymore. We make love."

Amos rolled his eyes. "Alex, we're men. We fuck. We fuck like rabbits, anytime, anywhere and any place. The only difference is not just with anyone now. So, do me or I'll have to use your last clean socks to whack off."

Alex had to look away for a moment because having that image in his head would lead to him spraying them both before anything started. Amos brought him back to reality with a snap of his fingers. "Hey, you want move over some so I can get on all fours?"

Alex turned back. Naked, aroused, eyes open and maybe trusting, Amos was better than the top grossing porn at a moment like this. "I want you to get on your side," Alex said.

"Kind of hard on your back, Old Man," Amos said.

Alex responded by kissing him just hard enough to cause Amos's lips to tremble a little. "I like watching your face when you come, Darling."

He reached for the lube, but Amos snatched it out of his hands. "Let me do that. Sometimes you don't use enough." Amos said.

Once again Alex felt ashamed of how he had treated Amos. "I'm sorry. Why didn't you say something?"

Amos shrugged. "Figured you liked being rough. The good outweighed the bad. You always hit my sweet spot multiple times and I always came real hard when it was your hands around me." He smiled wickedly. "You are great at jerking off."

"Lots of experience," Alex responded with a grin. He stroked the thick muscles that made Alex's back something to rival a Minotaur. "I don't like being rough. Sex with the person you love should feel like love."

Amos's jaw went soft. "I don't think I like it rough either. I've just been biting pillows so long, it's what I am used to."

Alex squeezed the hand where Amos held the tube of lube. "Then use as much of this as you need. If we run out between ports, we'll stick to hand and blow jobs."

The amount of lube Amos squeezed from the tube turned out to be about twice what Alex had been using. Suddenly Alex felt the need to apologize again with lots of profuse 'I'm sorrys."

To his amazement, Alex started to blush. "It's okay. I get it you just didn't know. I'm okay. Everything is going to be great this time."

More slow, deep kisses passed between them. Alex was beginning to think he could draw out the contours of Amos's mouth blindfolded when his partner stopped the kissing. Amos grasped Alex's hand with fingers thick with lube and re-positioned that hand over a boiling erection. "Now fuck me like you want to keep me forever," he asked.

This time Alex slid into Amos like a hand going into a warm glove. A glove lined with heated velvet. Amos eyes closed to slits and he smiled. "That's it. Now that feels good." He murmured.

"You'll tell me when it doesn't," Alex insisted.

"Oh, I'll more than tell you," Amos said. He opened his eyes fully. "Know what a power bottom is, Old Man? You're about to find out."

A power bottom meant Amos did a lot of the work and controlled the pace. Alex liked it. If Amos controlled their speed it meant a less likely chance of him getting hurt. And with a few less brain cells worried there he had more to expand being creative with Amos whose moans quickly reached an epic level. "We should try not to disturb everyone," Alex said between ragged breaths.

"Fuck them," Amos replied.

"I only want to fuck you," Alex said. Amo's eyes were seas lite by fire. Phosphorus burned on sea water didn't it? Maybe he could manage to tell Amos that sometime later. Some time when his body wasn't on fire and Amos was in the mood to understand something poetic. He found a spot between Amos's neck and shoulder that felt perfect in his mouth. Heat was building to an inferno in Alex's body. Heat to warm not to burn. And then he was carried away on a wave of pleasure so intense he saw stars aside his head. Amos came a few seconds later turning slack and wet in Alex's hands.

After their bodies disengaged, Amos kissed Alex fiercely. "I love you, and I don't care if you got to say it in Belter," he whispered.

Alex repeated the words in Belter and knew he had to explain later. It wasn't a matter of being afraid or uncomfortable. It was just, dammit he had said those words to Talissa in Earth standard too often and never really meant it. He wanted something different for Amos that symbolized their lives. But they were both tired, so he repeated the phrase in Belter and Amos melted into his arms.

He fell asleep for a while and woke up cleaned up. Amos was out of bed dumping wipes and water into a recycler and putting away their toiletries. Naked Amos was a great view to wake up to, but Alex was also aware that the rest of the _Roci_ crew might not share that perspective. "Please tell me you didn't walk bare ass down to the showers," Alex said.

Amos held up a bathrobe. "Nah, Naomi gave me this after we got married. She said a robe comes in handy when you're having sex with someone regularly and need to get up in the middle of a sleep shift." Amos came back to the bed. "I almost didn't take it."

"Why?" Alex asked. Amos and Naomi were sibling close. Actually, they were way closer than he and his sister Corey ever had been.

"Some of the things she said about you right before we got married and right afterwards," Amos said.

"I probably deserved whatever she said," Alex said. A sudden shot of cold air wracked him as he held the sheets open for Amos to slip inside; then, the heat radiating from his partner took over. They needed to sleep, but damn he wanted sex. Amos was more addicting than drugs especially when he lowered his guard and relaxed. Right now his eyes were clear. His skin was soft and clean. "Thanks for cleaning me up."

Amos settled in his usual place on Alex's shoulder. "I like a clean mattress," he said.

Alex chuckled. "I like a clean blanket."

"Is that all I am to you?" Amos teased.

He checked Amos's face. The edges of his lips were turned up slightly, so Alex knew he wasn't serious. "That's one of the ways we complement each other. We need to work out a system on laundry though. I don't think we got any clean sheets or towels left."

"Next time we're in port, I'll pick up some blotters," Amos said.

"Blotters?" Alex had never heard that word.

"Brothels use them. They're pads that can be fixed into the middle section of the sheets. Maneuver your partner right and it cuts down on the laundry." Amos explained.

Alex realized his face must have betrayed his astonishment because Amos smiled up at him; then winked. "Alex, I may not have got much of an education, but there is damn little I don't know when it comes to fucking."

They lay surrounded by the sounds of the _Rocinante_. Gia was in the pilot's chair which meant Havelock was nearby. Maybe they could train him to handle the rail guns. If Naomi and Holden weren't on top of each other one of them was probably trying to show Joe miller how to repair or maintain something. Amos broke his train of thought.

"I fall asleep faster with your hands on me," Amos said.

Alex complied wrapping his arms around Amos's waist. "This better?" he asked.

"Mm mm," Amos groaned in appreciation. "Or lower," he suggested.

"How about this?" Alex said. He grabbed Amos's buttocks. They were the only remotely soft part of the man's body.

"That's nice too, just don't waggle me," Amos said.

"Waggle?" Another term Alex had never heard before.

Amos opened his eyes. His expression was sort of surprised, but what was even more strange for Amos, kind. "You really don't know much about sex with another man, do you, Alex? Waggling is using your fingers inside me. I'm real sensitive down there right after we have sex."

Alex grew alarmed again. "I told you tell me to stop if you were in pain."

"I wasn't," Amos said quickly. "Jesus, Alex, didn't your wife ever tell you not to touch her vagina for a while after you came inside her."

"Talissa, didn't allow me to touch her body for the rest of the night after I came in her," Alex admitted.

"We're not going to have that problem. I get horny real easy. I should be good to go after a quick nap." Amos said.

"My knees aren't going to be good to go," Alex admitted.

Amos kissed him on the lips. "Then how about a sixty-nine. I know you know what that word means."

Alex found himself smiling. Amos was very talented with his mouth, but there were practical matters to think about. "We got to get some rest," Alex said.

"I know," Amos said. "But it's a lot easier to rest if there's no sexual tension."

They should have slept more. Instead they screwed more intensely than those first weeks after they got married when just having a new person was enough to keep them perpetually aroused. And as Amos was fond of pointing out. They were men. Sex was a form of communication. Alex knew he was going to pay for it in the next couple of days, but the high from mutual affection was too much to resist.

"I want to take you to Mars," Alex said. They were trying to get dressed, but hadn't been very successful for the last two hours.

"Why?" Amos asked.

"So my Aunt Louisa can force lasagna on you until you're ready to burst. So you can play basketball with your stepson and my mother can measure you in person for a sweater. She likes to knit. We can drink sweet tea and wine while watching the sunset over the Mariner Valley." Alex said.

Amos didn't look so positive. "They're not going to like me."

Alex kissed Amos slowly letting his tongue linger over the plump upper lip until Amos was on the edge of trembling again. Hopefully for a good reason this time. "Yes, they will because if we give them time they'll see all the good qualities I see in you and I love you."

For the second-time Alex saw Amos cry.

From the Belt to Mars was uneventful except for the last six hours when their transport seemed to lose thrust at least once every half hour. They shared an aisle with an elderly couple; biologists by trade and bioethicists with the Church of Humanity Ascended. Once they figured out Alex and Amos were a same sex couple, they couldn't stop talking about the joys of fostering orphans. Mars needed all of its children to grow up in healthy homes and increasing the genetic diversity only made their population stronger. Amos was polite though Alex could tell the conversation made him uncomfortable.

When they landed at _Londres Nova_ Amos got held up by Mar's Security, but they had anticipated that. Waiting for him, Alex ran into Rafe Choudhury from flight school. Rafe said the expected polite things about Talissa's remarriage. It irritated Alex that so many people thought he needed sympathy. Finally, he pointed his new ring out to Rafe. "Honestly, I'm happy for her. I've moved on."

Rafe looked genuinely surprised, but genuinely happy for him. "I knew you would, Alex. You don't need her. So, where's the new ball and chain."

Behind Rafe, Alex could see Amos finally coming out of Security. He was carrying a lot more luggage than they had. A small Han woman walked beside him. She looked frightened to the point of hysteria. "Coming out of the Security Zone as we speak," Alex said.

Rafe turned around. "Definitely an improvement over Talissa, but it looks like some Earther muscle head is hitting on your little bride."

Suddenly the Han woman burst into tears and ran straight into the arms of a Martian Marine. Alex's heart swelled as he watched Amos hand the woman's luggage over to the Marine, wave away an offer of payment, and shake the man's hand. _You're doing it right, darling. You're coming back to the human race_. Alex glanced back at Rafe. The man's jaw was hanging in the air.

As soon as Amos was in reach Alex pulled him closer. "How did it go?" Alex asked.

Amos shrugged. "Okay, they didn't ask me any questions I haven't answered before." He gestured back at the Han woman. "It almost tore her apart. I just kept telling her this was all standard and everything was going to be okay."

If it had just been the two of him, Alex would have kissed him hard, instead he turned Amos toward Rafe. "Amos, this is Captain Rafe Choudhury of the Mars Navy. We went through flight school together. Rafe, this is Amos Kamal, my husband."

Amos extended his hand. "How do you do?"

Rafe snapped back to the officer he was, closed his mouth, and shook hands with Amos. "Quite well, and you?"

The proper officer dropped away when Amos went to the men's room. Rafe let out a low wolf whistle. "Damn, Alex, is that boy even thirty?"

Alex dodged the question. "There's plenty of times he seems more mature than me. But, do me a favor, don't call him a boy. He really does not like that."

"Has Talissa seen him?" Rafe asked.

"I sent Melas pictures of his new stepfather. I'm sure he showed them to his mother." Alex said.

"Well, that woman has not said one thing to anybody about you remarrying. Warren is going bald. Shaves his head to hid it, but everybody can tell." Rafe said.

Silently Alex vowed to keep a straight face when he had to encounter Warren Combs and Talissa again

Once they were alone Amos seemed more confident about Mars. "Your friend looked me in the eyes while we talked. The one before, her eyes went straight to my crotch."

"Well, not all Martian Navy pilots are tenth degree horn dogs," Alex said.

Amos leaned close enough to whisper. "But lucky for me, you are." Then his voice returned to normal. "Did he mean it when he invited us to dinner with his family? Or was he just being polite."

Alex reassured him. "He meant it. His wife's name is Brianna. You'll like her." Brianna was a biologist and not much for meaningless small talk. Alex suspected she would appreciate Amos's silent moments.

When they got to Mariner Valley's main station everything was better. Melas wasn't there because their return date fell outside the previously agreed upon visitation schedule. Even though Martian family courts usually tried to be fair to space-faring parents, Alex did not feel it was worth provoking a fight with Malissa over the schedule. Besides Amos had enough to assimilate. Plenty of Kamals showed up to meet them. His sister Corey came and brought her kids from her first marriage and her second husband Simon's kids and the kids she and Simon had together. Alex's father wasn't there because allegedly someone had to manage things at the homestead, but his mother came, serene and calm as she always was.

"It's not often a woman my age acquires a new son. You will have to bear with my many mistakes of adjustment, Amos." She said.

Amos nodded. No that was a slight, but proper bow. Who taught him that? Alex knew it wasn't him. Probably Naomi or maybe Holden. "It would be my honor, mam," Amos replied. Then, to Alex, and probably everybody else's surprise, she hugged Amos, just lightly, but it wasn't something she often did even with the sons she had carried in her womb.

"You have beautiful blue eyes." Alex heard his mother tell Amos. She took Amos by the arm. "Come you must sit by me on the transport and tell me how our Mariner Valley compares to Earth."

 _Thank you, Mom!_ Alex knew he would forever be eternally grateful to his mother for how she greeted Amos.

Amos was quiet the first few minutes after they boarded the transport. When he finally spoke, his voice had a warm, human quality that normally didn't happen unless they were alone "Mariner Valley is beautiful. This is the most green space I have ever seen."

"But you're an Earther?" Alex's nephew Travis said.

"I'm from Baltimore, North American Free Trade Zone. It's nothing, but concrete and steel." Amos explained.

"There's an ocean on Baltimore's doorstep," Travis said.

"It's just greywater. The stuff you see in simulators is prettier. It smells better to." Amos said.

At home, there were more Kamal relatives and family friends. While the old people were reserved, the teenagers seemed to be enthusiastic about Amos. He was an Earther. It was a same sex marriage which flew in the face of traditional Martian beliefs about the importance of producing many children. Being nice to Amos was rebellion in its finest while being able to claim they were only honoring traditions of hospitality. There was proper family banquet, not as elaborate as when they welcomed Talissa, but there was still plenty of fresh vegetables, grilled meat, and lasagna. Amos looked happy when Aunt Louisa pushed a third helping on him which made Alex more happy. Then it started from Alex's father.

"Talissa says she wants the visitation schedule altered," Kamal Senior said.

Alex stayed calm. "Well, she's wasting the court's time. The visitation schedule is formal law."

"Legal agreements can always be amended especially in a climate of renewed emphasis on traditional Martian values about family and children," Kamal Senior said.

It was important not to let his father bait him into a losing battle on their very first night with the family. "Over ten percent of couples on Mars are same sex," Alex said.

"Many orphans need guardians. Insuring those children grow up to be healthy, productive adults can only enhance the genetic diversity of the population." That was Amos's voice, but a bioethicist's speech. Apparently, Amos had paid more attention to the elderly couple on their flight than he thought.

"Becoming guardians to a Martian child is not an instantaneous process, especially when one partner is an Earther. There are many applications and interviews," Kamal Senior said.

"I know. That's why I got the process started while we were still in space," Amos said.

Whoa! It was Alex's time to be stunned again. He knew Amos had logged a lot of communication with Mars while they were out there, but he figured it had been visa problems. Children? He hadn't really thought about children. It's not like an accidental pregnancy was a potential problem for them. Alex liked children. He had been raised that it was every Martian's duty to contribute to their population if not through increasing the genetic diversity than by otherwise supporting and training the next generation. And he knew as a civilian it was a lot easier to be around for a child's life then when he was in the Mars military, not that plenty of Martian children weren't raised almost exclusively by their extended family while both parents served. Talissa had really been a bit of an outlier with Melas. Did Amos want to be a guardian? Alex knew Amos valued children and he saved his darkest fury for anyone that abused a child. He also knew the Kamal family was top-heavy with elderly relatives all more than willing to devote time to the next generation. They were nearly an ideal family to be entrusted with the guardianship of a Martian orphan.

Alex's mother spoke next "You have already submitted an application?"

Amos nodded. "It's pending a psych interview with Alex, but that's about all."

"I should like to add a letter to your application explaining the history of the Kamal family and our current prosperity," Alex's mother said.

"It's still a very long process," Kamal Senior said. His face was set in that stubborn position that Alex knew was as intractable as Olympus Mons.

Alex heard a low whisper from his mother. Mrs. Kamal kept her voice low. She was a modest woman of very traditional values. Her words were not intended for anyone else in the family to hear, but they were firm. " _Santa rahem_. They are both my sons now and I would love to have foster grandchildren."

After dinner when the teenagers were explaining cricket to Amos, Alex approached his mother and properly bowed. "Thank you, Mother," he said.

Mrs. Kamal intertwined one arm with Alex's arm. That was all his mother usually did as far as touching, but it was enough. "It's easy to be nice to Amos. He loves you. With Talissa it was always much, more difficult."

For a few moments, they walked in silence amidst her cacti collection. "I sense great pain in him," Mrs. Kamal said.

"He comes from slums on Earth as bad as the slums of the Belt, but it's made him strong." Alex said.

"Such strength always comes at a terrible price," Mrs. Kamal said.

Alex was quick to defend his husband. "He has a good heart underneath it all."

Mrs. Kamal looked pleased. "How could you love him otherwise? Love is important for marriage, not just children. Your father will come to accept him. The possibility of foster grandchildren will bring that acceptance faster. I suggest you be on your best behavior for the psychological interview."

The family put them in a proper guest room which was the appropriate courtesy for newlyweds. It wasn't the room Alex and Talissa had always been given, but that was cool. That room had too many damn fertility symbols in the decorations. Amos seemed impressed which bothered him.

"I didn't know your family was this rich," Amos said.

"They aren't. It's Mariner Valley custom for the guest rooms to be the best the family can afford. Regular bedrooms aren't this nice neither are the parts of the house outsiders don't see." Alex explained.

"It's grander than anything I ever slept in on Earth," Amos said stretching out in the center of the bed.

 _Darling, the only thing grand about this room is the way you look sprawled across that mattress_. Alex joined him on the bed. The mattress was good and soft, so much better than the foam pads perched on a metal shelf they usually had. If Alex wasn't careful, he would fall asleep before they got a chance to talk and do other things after they had talked.

"When were, you going to tell about this guardianship plan of yours?" Alex asked.

"When I had the details better worked out? Are you mad?" Amos said.

Alex had been thinking over the situation since dinner, so he had an answer. "No, it's the right thing to do. And you were right to start the process. I'm a terrible procrastinator." He pulled Amos into his arms. "So, are you hoping for a boy or a girl?"

"Two girls, sisters, Lily and Violet. They are _Donnager_ orphans," Amos said.

Wow! Amos had already narrowed down their options to two specific children. He had really had done some serious planning on this. " _Donnager_ orphans and there isn't a line of Martians waiting to foster them?" Alex asked. That was unusual. Aside from the patriotic aspects, there were government stipends for families that fostered the orphans of fallen military personnel.

"They're not legitimate orphans. Their father was a _Donnage_ r officer. Their mother was just a woman he saw between time with his real wife and family. All I wanted to do at first was just send them some script, then I started talking with their aunt. They're poor. They live in Innis Deep. Do you know where that is?

"Yeah," Alex said. Every Martian knew about Innis Deep. It was where Mars matched the worst slums of the Belt.

"I get the impression that the family tries. They really do, but they just don't have enough." Amos said.

That explained why Amos was so interested in these girls. Being illegitimate on Mars wasn't as bad as being an illegal birth on Earth, but it wasn't an easy haul, especially if one parent already had a legitimate, socially approved family. The girls wouldn't be eligible for the extra rations two-parent families received or any of their father's death benefits. "So, who was the lothario on the _Donnager_ that managed to keep a wife and a girlfriend as well as maintain a military career?" Alex asked.

Amos replied without hatred or hesitation and the answer nearly made Alex weep. "Lopez."

Innis Deep was as bad as Alex had always heard. Amos shrugged and said it reminded him of Baltimore. The girls' aunt served them weak tea in an apartment whose walls didn't block out most of the sounds of the street. She was probably a good Martian woman, but she was painfully stressed. Her husband wasn't there. He worked multiple shifts whenever he could because they had five children of their own. When Amos contacted, them wanting to send script for her nieces, it had felt like St. Omar had personally intervened on their behalf she said.

The girls' grandfather was less enthusiastic. Alex recognized his type, a stern man, a warrior for Mars. No doubt he had never approved of his daughter's choice to breed with an already married man, but he probably also believed that was no excuse to hand her children over to another family. Alex could also easily imagine what the man was thinking about him and Amos. _Love is love, but you are Martian. Children are a duty to our people_. Alex had thought long and hard about how to address the old man.

"I know you probably have a negative opinion of the children's father which is understandable given the circumstances, but he was my brother officer and it would be my honor to give his daughters the chances they deserve in life." Alex said. The brother officer part wasn't really a lie. Alex had given Lieutenant Lopez his last, 'Yes sir.'

The old man nodded. "He could have been a good father for them if he did not already have a family."

"He died a hero," Amos said.

The old man's attention turned to Amos. "You know about the Donnager, Earther?"

For a moment, Alex grew afraid that Amos would blurt out something that should be classified, but apparently, he had thought out his answers carefully also. "Everyone that works in the Belt knows about the _Donnager_. I know the crew died bravely and we should honor their sacrifice." Then Amos continued. "Alex and I draw decent pay as freelancers. We're not going to change the children's names or raise them as future Kamal brides. We just want them to have a good life."

"Why? You're an Earther." The old man said.

"Because where I'm from on Earth makes Mar's slums look like high end neighborhoods. I've seen kids starve. I've seen kids sold for rape and worse. You let me be these girls' guardian I'll fight the entire universe on their behalf." Amos said.

Living in Innis Deep, the grandfather had probably already surmised what Amos was capable of. He nodded without smiling. "I suppose it would do no harm to hear what the social workers have to say."

"The girls are anticipating meeting you," the aunt told them. Her next words were for Amos. "As you asked, I used some of the script you sent to buy them new building blocks of their own."

Interlocking building blocks had been the passion of Martian children since before Alex's grandfather, but Alex knew children in Innis Deep rarely, if ever, got new toys. Children in the slums of Baltimore didn't either. Amos was definitely the right guardian for these children.

Lily and Violet were two little dolls with sapphire eyes and rosebud lips and Alex instantly thought little girls so beautiful should not be allowed to grow up in Innis Deep. They were frightened, so Alex knelt done on one knee so that they were eye level. "My name is Alexander Kamal. I'm your Godfather. You haven't seen anything of me all these years because I've been deep in the Belt serving with the Navy." It was a stretch of the truth, but some said civilization was built on little manipulations for courtesy. "But I'm retired now after completing my twenty years' service and I am here to take care of you."

"Where's your family?" The eldest, Violet, asked in a whisper.

"The Kamal homestead is in the Mariner Valley. You can live there and go to school there if you want. When you have vacations, you can come onboard the ship I fly now and see other places and other worlds." Alex said. He reached behind him and gestured for Amos to get down on the floor with him, so they wouldn't look so imposing to the children. "This is my husband. He's your Godfather Amos."

Lily's eyes widened staring at Amos, "You sent us blocks?"

"Yeah, everyone told me Martian girls like blocks." Amos said.

Then without warning both girls flung their arms around Amos's neck. "Thank you, Godfather Amos," they chorused. Even the old man wiped his eyes.

It was on the way back to the Mariner Valley that Amos asked if he had made a good impression. Alex realized his partner was still very unsure of all his social interactions. "You did good. Real good." Alex reassured him.

A young Martian woman sat on the bench opposite them. She looked fresh out of basic training. Her eyes settled over Amos the way Coretta Lee's had in that bar on _Ganymede_ , but at least she didn't say anything. Casually Alex rested an arm on Amos's shoulder and leaned closer in a way too intimate to be friendship. The young soldier scowled. Then she got up and moved to another bench near some young men.

"You're getting possessive," Amos said. It was his usual monotone, but Alex could see pleasure in his eyes. "You want to have your name tattooed on me now?" Amos asked.

Alex smiled. "It's an intriguing proposition, but you got enough marks on your skin already." He stroked a place on Amos's sleeve where he knew there was tattoo under the cloth. "But I'm wondering if you wouldn't like me to do that?" Alex had always considered tattoos stupid and primitive until Amos. Now they didn't seem stupid on some people, but he knew they were damn painful to have added to skin, something he would have never considered doing to himself until now. He would get Amos's name added to his flesh if it would make his husband happy. Probably not over the heart, he was too hairy there, but a lot of the guys he had served with in the Navy had their lovers' names tattooed on a bicep or shoulder. He would have it done right. No stupid hearts or flowers. Amos's name deserved something like a sword or a comet.

"You may be older than me, but your skin is too pretty to ink up," Amos said. He reached for Alex's hand. It seemed as intimate as anything they had done with their bodies in private. "This has been the best week of my life. Alex."

"Me too," Alex nodded. Melas's birth had been the best day of his life, but this had honestly been the longest continual good period in Alex Kamal's life. "I still want to do something for you, something special."

"I think this is enough. This has been a lot. A lot more good than I ever expected would happen to me." Amos said.

"Come on, there's got to be something else you want?" Alex said and he kind of hoped that something else would be rather kinky. He still remembered Amos's suggestion of playing pirate and captive. Ideas along those lines had lately been plaguing his imagination. Alex could see the wheels turning behind Amos's eyes. The man was definitely thinking.

An honest smile formed across Amos's lips. He kissed Alex's hand and spoke. "There is something, but you're not going to like it."

They said their vows again, minus the part referring to Talissa. They said them stone-cold somber surrounded by a circle of Kamal relatives and family friends. Then when they finished with those vows they said all the old, traditional ones about love, honor, cherishing and forsaking all others. Alex wore a Mars Navy dress uniform as was his right as an honorably decommissioned officer, Amos wore a proper suit. And Lily and Violet wore pastel dresses to match the flowers they carried. Of course, they used the same rings, but Mrs. Kamal insisted on laying a wreath over them. A cousin crazy into ancient Tejano culture insisted on lassoing them once the justice of the peace pronounced them married again. And all of it was properly recorded for the crew of the _Roci_ so they had something to replace that grainy video that had probably been passed around through too many devices already. They drank sparkling wine toasts and they drank shots. Shot glasses had been the most numerous gift they received from the younger relatives which was cool because they would use them. Aunt Louisa gave them new lasagna pans and vowed she would share her favorite recipe with Amos before they left. Melas played happily with his new foster sisters and Warren Combs brought Talissa who was civil. There was too much food, really stupid dancing, and when his father managed to say something at least it was non-inflammatory. However Amos had actually been completely wrong, Alex would later tell him. He loved every minute of it.


End file.
